The Relationships of Business

Have you ever been out on a date?

Do you think about creating a relationship in business when starting or closing a deal?

These two ideas are not exclusive to either life or business – they apply to both.

Relationships are key, no matter if you’re looking at the dating world or the business world.

In this episode, Jennifer talks with Arlene Washburn about the importance of relationships and how relationships shape the ways in which we operate – from the dating world to the business world – and why it is so important to look at the way you conduct yourself out in the world.

Transcript (auto-generated; may contain errors)

Speaker 1 (00:01)
Hello and welcome to another episode of “MOJO: The Meaning of Life & Business.”

(00:05)
On today’s program, we’re going to be talking about relationships and business. Now, a lot of you are thinking relationships. What’s that have anything to do with being an entrepreneur, being a business owner, being in business, period. And the truth is that relationships, whether it’s dating to find your soulmate or whether it’s dating to find a partner or a client and you’re dating in different ways is still extremely important. And so I’m really thrilled that on today’s program I have an amazing matchmaker coach who is on the program today? But before I bring our guests on, let me tell you a little bit about our guests. Arlene Washburn’s philosophy is that relationships do not have to be hard. Relationships take effort and skills that most people learn after having failed relationships. We tend to get most of our relationship disinformation from society and observing our parents relationships. We form a belief system of love and attachment early in life that we carry through for many years, which doesn’t necessarily serve us. Arlene curates and shares science based research based information and techniques, helps people struggling with love and relationships that allow those that are seeking partners make good partner choices.

Speaker 1 (01:32)
Arlene, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here.

Speaker 2 (01:36)
Thank you, Jennifer, so much for having me. I’m excited to have this conversation with you.

Speaker 1 (01:41)
Absolutely. Thank you. So, Arlene, let me ask you, relationships like we started talking in my introduction seem like such a foreign idea to so many people. Can you give us an idea, though, why it’s so important to think about the relationship aspect in business?

Speaker 2 (02:04)
Yeah. So when you really think about what a business is, it’s really about marketing yourself and selling your goods or services. In order to do that, you really need to have relationships with people, with your buyers, with the folks that you get your products from, for example. So relationships are really key. Having good relationships with your employees and all of that then makes for a great machine, so to speak. Right. And there’s a lot of skills that help people be more successful. If you’re not selling, then your business is not thriving. If you’re not marketing yourself, your business is not thriving. And all of that is done through building relationships with your target market and your clients and the people that you work with.

Speaker 1 (02:54)
Absolutely. And so let me ask you, as someone who had the only licensed matchmaking school, I mean, that’s something that’s really important. Just that way people understand where you’re coming from and the idea of what else you are involved in. And we were talking about this in the green room before we went live with the recording today. Tell me a little bit more about that and how that is ultimately impacting and has impacted what you do as it relates to business, as it relates to matchmaking, et cetera.

Speaker 2 (03:35)
Sure. Well, I started my business. I went from corporate to being an entrepreneur. Learned a lot in that process. Took a lot of the business acumen I already had from having been in business for the corporate world for over 20 years. And then after being in business for a few years, I took a sabbatical to join the Matchmaking Institute, which at the time was the only state licensed school in America for Matchmaking. People don’t realize that Matchmaking is a huge business. It’s been around since the beginning of time. And in that capacity, one of the things that I did primarily was to go to various I traveled all over the world to Asia, Europe, the Caribbean, and throughout the US training Matchmakers on how to start their business. Because the good majority of the people who go into Matchmaking are entrepreneurs, they usually don’t necessarily go work for someone but start their own business. And of course, everyone’s very heart centered and that’s important. And they want to help put people together, but they also have to run a business and also they need to be able to sell a Match to another match. In other words, sell, market, whatever you want to call it.

Speaker 2 (04:55)
If I have a client and I want to introduce someone to them, I have to present them in such a way that’s going to make them appealing, especially if I know that that person has all of the wants and needs and doesn’t violate any of the deal breakers and would be a great match because a lot of people who are single are looking for red flags and reasons to decline a match. But I have to sell them on the idea and why this is a good person for them to meet. So you’re always selling, you’re always marketing. And that’s part of what the business is really a lot about. And I would say in most businesses, right? You’re always telling yourself, you’re always marketing yourself. So these are the kinds of things that I would teach the Matchmakers that are people who wanted to become Matchmakers, to get them certified.

Speaker 1 (05:40)
Absolutely. And so it’s really important to pay attention to the business aspect of everything that we’re doing, even as it relates to the Matchmaking, the heart center, like you said, of what we’re looking at. So as we look then at being an entrepreneur and relationships that are in the entrepreneurial world, if you will, what exactly is it that we are looking at if we’re trying to also find our soulmate in that regard?

Speaker 2 (06:19)
So in other words, if you’re currently an entrepreneur and you’re interested in finding your soulmate, is that the question?

Speaker 1 (06:27)
Right. Because there’s so many things we open up a business and we think I got to focus on the business. So many people say that, especially in the first two years of the business, that is your baby, that is your sole focus. But especially in the wake of the COVID Pandemic and the great resignation. So many people have left to start their own businesses, but a lot of people may still be in the dating pool. How can one manage to do both? Should one try to manage to do both? Maybe a better way of asking that question.

Speaker 2 (07:09)
Yeah. So obviously that’s going to depend on the individual. But one thing that I will say is that even when you’re starting a business and you’re really busy trying to get that off the ground, you need some downtime, because then you burn out and you don’t have the clarity. You notice highly successful people have downtime. They meditate, they exercise, and they spend time with the people that they love. And so I’m a big believer that starting a business and having love in your life is not mutually exclusive and also trying to attract that person, there is definitely time for that. And you can carve that out. And that’s what I encourage. Most of my clients are entrepreneurs or highly successful people. And the first thing we do when we’re going to start working together is to do an audit of their calendar, because whatever you prioritize is what you’re going to focus on. And so if you’ve decided I am ready for a relationship and I’m committing to that, then you’re going to carve out time for that and you’re going to do it before that person shows up. So you’re not resentful of it. Right.

Speaker 2 (08:22)
And I know as an entrepreneur how easy it is to be on 24/7, but you can’t do that because that’s a disaster and a recipe for burnout, not giving good service to your clients, being unhappy, and every other negative thing that can come with that. So definitely it’s doable. But again, everything obviously has an exception. So it depends on the individual.

Speaker 1 (08:46)
Right. So as we look then at where you are in your business now, you’ve been doing a lot in terms of training people how to be matchmakers. You’ve been doing the matchmaking world and you came from corporate. But let me actually take a step back, though. You came from corporate and you decided to be an entrepreneur. Tell me more about that journey. What made you want to go there that eventually led to your success? Where you’ve been?

Speaker 2 (09:25)
That’s a great question. I have spent a lot of time in the pharmaceutical industry, 20 years, to be exact, and very stressful industry. Right. And I was ready to leave. I wasn’t sure quite what I wanted to do. And I had seen a show on TV called The Millionaire Matchmaker. And when I saw that show, I thought, well, I could definitely do that. And you’d be surprised how much your experiences in life will serve you to do whatever it is that you want to do. I always believe that all roads lead to where you’re supposed to be. And so not only did I start my own business doing this and then later got certified by the school that I became the CEO of for a period of time. I’ve since left there and got back with my business, but I also did several programs with the woman in that show. So I got to meet her, and we did some stuff together. I’m very driven in that regard. But what made me believe that I needed to have my own business was that I wanted to write my own ticket. I actually lost my last position.

Speaker 2 (10:31)
I was let go of, and it was a very stressful job. I was managing a lot of people. And that was the kicker for me that I felt like, you know what? I need to be in charge of my own destiny. And the only way to do that is as your own boss. And I took the plunge. I thought, what better time than this? This is the universe providing me the opportunity that I probably would not have taken from myself had I not gotten fired. Right. And started my own business. And I’ve never looked back. It’s been well over a decade. I’ve done extremely well for myself, and I encourage anyone who is willing to do that because it could be challenging at times. But you’re writing your own ticket and your own destiny. And even through COVID, I have to say there were a lot of companies that Pivoted, we were one of those. So most of the work that we were doing was one on one meeting people, especially for matchmaking. We still do that. But now people are so much more open to a Zoom call. Right. And so now it opened up my business exponentially because I can work with people and meet with them over Zoom and be able to do exactly what I was doing before, but they’re more open to doing it over a video call, whereas in the past, people always met in person.

Speaker 2 (11:48)
So that was a good Pivot and a great transition for us.

Speaker 1 (11:53)
Absolutely. So let me ask you, what were some of the lessons that you learned being your own boss that you wish somebody would have shared with you?

Speaker 2 (12:05)
Okay, one big lesson leaving corporate and going into entrepreneurship. Networking was huge, but I didn’t really know enough about networking because the networking you do when you’re in corporate America is a little different, as opposed to when you have your own business and you kind of have an elevator pitch and you’re trying to connect with people in a different way. And also it’s easier when you’re selling something from another company or marketing something from a company that you don’t own as opposed to doing it for yourself. Right. You feel a little bit like, am I bragging too much? And so that took a little time to learn. And I’m a big believer of constantly learning. So I’m always taking courses and Webinars and reading books and all that stuff. And I recognize that this whole networking thing was tied into the business that I was in. Right. So basically, networking and dating have a lot of similarities. And so I’m really good at picking up the patterns. When I see things, I see patterns. And I’m like, oh, wow. Okay. So this is like dating and networking very similar. And so that was a huge lesson because it’s not what you know, it’s not building, and they will come.

Speaker 2 (13:24)
You need to build relationships. You need to get yourself out there. People need to know about you in order for you to sustain a business. Otherwise, you’re like this big secret. As good as you are at your craft, it doesn’t matter. Nobody knows you’re there. So that was a game changer for me.

Speaker 1 (13:44)
Absolutely. And networking or relationship working is so important because when you’re out there and you’re talking with people, especially, like you said, difference between a corporate world where you’re going, I’m a banker and I’m representing this bank and whatever. I mean, there’s so many bankers out there. And what are you really saying? That’s different. But when you’re your own business, it takes on an entirely different role because you don’t have that guaranteed paycheck coming in. You don’t have anything else that’s actually helping you other than the fruits of your own labor. And so knowing how to have that right pitch, knowing how to do all those things really becomes extra important in terms of what you’re doing. So Arlene, as you were starting out in your business, where did you go to get the advice when you needed that support? When you needed that extra push? Where did you turn to to get that strength?

Speaker 2 (14:56)
That’s a great question. I’m a firm believer that every person should have a board of directors in their lives, meaning that anytime that you need support in a particular area, you should find someone who has been successful and have conversations with them and see what they’re doing. And don’t reinvent the wheel. When I say board of directors, I’m a parent, so I have parenting mentors. I have mentors for anything that’s important happening in my life and in business. I work not work, but had conversations with people that were great at sales, for example, I have a sales and marketing background anyway, so I brought that to the table. There was a lot that I brought from my previous career, but being an entrepreneur, I did a lot of networking. I went to different groups consistently and heard different things every time from the various people there. I think when you are a business owner, you need to have a beginner’s mind, meaning that when you’re around other people, forget that you know anything and listen, because that’s the only way you’re going to learn. If you go into conversations and situations thinking you know everything, you shut down the ability to take things in, and you can learn from any kind of business they don’t have to have the same business that you have.

Speaker 2 (16:24)
Right. So most of what I did was that way I have particular people that were mentors, but a good majority of my knowledge came through courses, certifications, and also joining events and things that have topics that would be relevant. And in fact, I met you at an event, I think that was with the Small Business Association. Right.

Speaker 1 (16:49)
The Small Business Development Center. Yes.

Speaker 2 (16:52)
Yes.

Speaker 1 (16:54)
And Vince Vicari calling you out. Vince, I’m going to have to tag you on this show. But yes, Vince and his team at the Bergen County, New Jersey, Small Business Development Center, they’re actually absolutely incredible. And they help so many people. I mean, the Small Business Development Center anywhere in the United States. For those of you that are listening, if you need assistance with your business and you want to reach out to the Small Business Development Center, if you don’t know how to find your own location, feel free to reach out to me. I’m sure you can reach out to Arlene as well. And we’ll give you Arlene’s contact information. We through the Bergen County Small Business Development Center can get you connected with your local center as an ambassador for the SBDC, the Small Business Development Center. I do that all the time, so I am happy to do that. And it’s an amazing organization that helps a million entrepreneurs in so many locations around the country. So definitely look into that if you need that help. But Arlene touched on something that was really important, and that is having your own board of directors and advisory boards that can be there to help you figure things out.

Speaker 1 (18:19)
Like you want an insurance person. I say this all the time. You want an insurance person that’s there to help you figure out how to deal with ensuring your business in the event of as opposed to after it happens. You want someone who is an accountant and an attorney to be there to guide you on tax strategy and legal strategy before the IRS or a lawsuit happens. You want that business strategist to be there to give you guidance before you end up going down the complete wrong path. You want those people surrounding you and, of course, the banker, because when you need a loan, you want someone who already knows you as opposed to having to create that relationship from the start. But you want those people around you all the time. Now, this doesn’t have to be a formal board of directors and advisory board setting, but it is something you do want to be reaching out to whenever these issues do come up. And they know that they are the people that are in your corner. So that way you can also act in that regard to them as well. Right. And the other thing that you mentioned, Arlene, was the transferable skills you came in with sales and marketing from your past business and you parlayed that into something that was different but still utilizing those skills.

Speaker 1 (19:47)
So it’s not like you needed to do something else. And then the other incredible thing you said was that you’re constantly learning. Right. There’s a famous thing that says if you’re not learning, you’re dying and you need to always be staying on the cutting edge. As an example, my coach says I’m always staying on the cutting edge in marketing because that’s exactly where my clients need me to be. But it’s something that I know that I need to be doing so that I can continue offering that service. For those of you that are listening, When’s the last time you actually went to a seminar, you went to a conference, you went to something, whether it’s been on Zoom over the last two years or live, that’s not the point. But not only attending and not only taking notes, but implementing. Right. So many people go to these events and I see it all the time. When I speak, people come up to me and they say, I took 18 pages of notes from your presentation. And it’s nice somebody took 18 pages of notes. But the biggest question is, what are they going to do with those notes otherwise?

Speaker 1 (21:00)
The last however long I was talking and they were in that program is for not right. If you don’t take action, you can’t do anything. And so that’s one of the other things. Also, that when we’re looking at being an entrepreneur, a lot of us have paralysis by analysis, and that gets a lot of us down. And so I want to ask you, Arlene, as it relates to paralysis by analysis in the dating world, how do you get through that? Because there’s always we’ve got our lists. And for any of us that are those Hallmark Romcom fans, there are so many movies that have someone who’s this love expert who’s got rules and rules and rules. And the end of the movie is like, well, throw out all the rules because none of these really apply. But how do you get through that? Because we all have our own list of things that we absolutely need, absolutely want, like to have. But if we don’t or whatever, how do you get through that? Because again, that goes back to our own paralysis by analysis that we face in business as well.

Speaker 2 (22:19)
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so you hit on so many things. I want to answer that question. Okay. First and foremost, this is a tough one because I’m a science-based dating and relationship coach. And so I look at the science and the research, and I help people in that way. And most of the time, the folks that come to me who have this laundry list really don’t know what they want and need. So it’s challenging because going back to the original statement of having a board of directors of your life they don’t have to be paid board members. However, if you need to pay a professional, then that’s what you need to do to get results. And so I always tell people, don’t look for answers on dating and relationship from your best friend who’s equally single and chronically single and maybe even down on whatever sex that she’s interested in being with. Right. So he or she is straight or gay. Whatever the case may be, go to a professional and not just any, because unfortunately, our industry has a low barrier to entry. So anyone can claim that there’s this or that. So that makes it a little bit challenging.

Speaker 2 (23:36)
So to answer your question, you need to take action. You can’t just learn things. And this is something that as an entrepreneur, if this is the only thing you take out of the conversation, right. Is learn something and test it out for yourself, right? Test it out. Take action. Because if you don’t, that information is useless sitting in your head. That goes for your business. That goes for dating. If you learn something about dating and relationships, take action. You have nothing to lose. Because when you don’t take action, that’s a decision made, right? You decided that you’re not taking action. Therefore there’s a decision, therefore there’s no results. The result is going to be not having someone. If you take action, maybe that one simple thing will change the trajectory, right? All of a sudden you’re in a relationship and you didn’t even know? Because what I find a lot of times when I’m working with clients as a coach, minor tweaks yields huge results. It’s not always this major change that someone has to go through. The analysis paralysis is the laundry list, the laundry list of things that you think you want and need without questioning yourself.

Speaker 2 (24:57)
Is this really something you need? Why do you need it? And going through a good analysis of really, this whole laundry list? And do you also possess the qualities that you’re looking for? Because it’s not fair to say, Well, I only want to have such and such thing in my life from a partner, but you can’t bring that to the table. Usually people who are equally yoked, meaning that they’re both a similar attraction level and have more in common. Birds of a feather flock together. This business of opposites attract, what the science shows is that that is not a good policy on how to decide to be with someone. So opposites attract is not a good formula for long term compatibility and long term relationships. And one last thing I wanted to say completely going back to the original conversation and things we were going over, is that I learned when I started my business that I don’t need to know everything. What I do need to know is what I don’t know. So I can hire somebody else to do it or hire someone to teach me. Right. Because as a business owner, you’re not required to do everything.

Speaker 2 (26:04)
If you think that you’re not going to scale, you’re not going to grow and your business is going to be I wouldn’t even call it a business, really, because if it’s just you, you’re a solopreneur. My idea of having owning a business is being the owner, not being the business. So I just wanted to mention that because I wrote it down when you were talking, and I was like, oh, this is a really important point I think I want to make. Thank you for that.

Speaker 1 (26:29)
Absolutely. And thank you for adding that point. And you’re completely right. Again, when you’re hiring, like you said, don’t hire someone with the same skill set. Hire someone with a different skill set, and don’t hire someone that’s going to yes, you hire someone that’s going to challenge you, because the more that you can do that, the better it’s going to ultimately be in terms of where you are. So, Arlene, as we start wrapping up our conversation, I understand that you’ve got a really valuable gift for our listeners. Can you tell us more about that gift?

Speaker 2 (27:11)
Yeah. So we just launched a membership site for people to get either a free version, which is what I’d like to offer your audience. It’s basically an opportunity to get good science-based, research-based content on how to establish better relationships, how to make better partner choices. Even there’s a great document in there on how to establish your core values. A lot of people think they know, but they don’t really know what are your core values? That’s the number one thing that you want to have in common with a significant other. Do we share the same core values? I have a document in there that is available for free. There’s a lot of free content there because it does help you with your personal relationships. But it actually also helps with business because at the start of this conversation, we talked about it. Relationships are very important in all aspects of your life, right? Your nuclear family, your significant other, your business, your employees. You have to have good relationships with your clients, your vendors, all of it. So this, I believe, can help everyone. So it’s under our coaching platform, which is Member getrealgetlove.com. And if you go there, you can establish a free membership and start looking through some of the content that’s in there.

Speaker 2 (28:41)
That would be very helpful, I believe.

Speaker 1 (28:44)
Thank you. That’s really incredible and generous of you to give so much information. Again, that’s member.getrealgetlove.com. And we’ll have that link in the description of the show as well. So that way everybody can access that link. And when you go there, make sure that you sign up, make sure that you let Arlene know that you heard her on the “MOJO: The Meaning of Life & Business” podcast. So that way she can know that that’s how you came. And that’s really incredible. So, Arlene, let me ask you, how can people find out more about you, though?

Speaker 2 (29:25)
Yeah, I’m available on all social media platforms, almost all Arlene Washburn and that’s on Instagram and all the various platforms. And then the company name is AVConnexions. So however you reach out, we’ll get in touch with you. Someone on my team will contact you back. And as I said, we have lots of free resources. If somebody’s not ready to make investments in their dating and relationship, but they can invest time. Absolutely reach out. And then, of course, if you need more help than that, we could always talk about it. We always do discovery calls to figure out where you’re at, what your needs are. And if we have the solution, great. If not, we refer you out to somebody else. But that’s our mission. It’s to help singles get the resources they need to be their best authentic self and choose the right partner.

Speaker 1 (30:26)
Thank you. And so as we wrap up our conversation today, It’s really important to remember the relationships and how it’s going to impact you Both in business and in your personal life. It’s not an exclusive side business or personal life. Relationships and the dating aspect, like we started the show is so important whether you’re in business or you’re not, and you need to be thinking what you’re going to be doing that is going to be making that difference in terms of where you’re going. When you’re looking at having that advisory board, like we said, that’s there to help you again, that’s relationships when you’re looking at figuring out what you’re going to do next, that’s all coming down to how do you manage to know what you can do and what you can do? And so there’s so many different pieces that are involved in the puzzle and so as you’re navigating the process, feel free to reach out to those people that can comprise that advisory board for you that can really start making that difference. And if you’re here in the United States, the small business development center is ready to assist you and give you additional guidance or else there’s business coaches like myself, like others that are out there that can really help you figure out that next step and make sure that you’re going to avoid the trial and error that so many entrepreneurs go through in the beginning.

Speaker 1 (32:12)
On that note, this has been another episode of “MOJO: The Meaning of Life & Business.” Thank you, Arlene, again for being our guest. And until next time, here’s to your success.

Arlene’s gift to you for listening: Access to her site, https://member.getrealgetlove.com

About Arlene: Arlene’s philosophy is that relationships do not have to be hard. Relationships take effort and skills that most people learn after having failed relationships. We tend to get most of our relationship disinformation from society and observing our parents’ relationships. We form a belief system of love and attachment early in life that we carry through for many years, which doesn’t necessarily serve us. Arlene curates and shares science-based, research-based information and techniques to help people struggling with love and relationships that they can implement to make good partner choices.

Connect with Arlene on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram or visit her online at avconnexions.com